Questions

How I Answer "Are You Pregnant Yet?" Questions From My Mama

 

Mama - Now, I don't want to bug you or stress you out.... but.. are you pregnant yet?  I can't wait for more Grandbabies!

 

Me - Ummm, no... not last time I checked.

 

Mama - Ok... well I know I ask a lot... but don't get stressed out.  Just don't worry about it... and then it'll happen!

 

Me - I know... It's ok.. but we did have sexual intercourse today so you never know.

 

Mama - Oh yuck!  You didn't have to tell me that.

 

Me - But you asked.

 

Mama - I didn't ask that.

 

Me - Well I don't know how you guys did it... but I'm pretty sure sexual intercourse is how you get pregnant.

 

Mama - (laughing) Ok fine!  I won't ask you about it anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

Chips

The Mr. vs. Asian Food

Me - Hey Babe, do you want to try these shrimp flavored chips I got?

The Mr. - Sure... I'll try them. 

Seconds later...

The Mr. - Gross! Those taste like how shrimp would smell if you left it out for days.

He's always so descriptive in his exaggerations. *Munch*

Banana

Talking to my Mom on the phone about her Facebook "friends".

Mom - I was on Facebook and someone wrote something about his banana and eating it. I think there's some hidden message there.

Me - (silence)

Mom - What do you think he meant?

Me - (silence)

Mom - There is definitely a hidden message... I should delete him... but then that wouldn't be polite.

Me - (silence)

Mom - Maybe it was a joke? ... and people don't understand the joke because he has a different sense of humor.

Me - (silence)

Mom - Oh!  I saw that cute picture of my grandbaby that you put up over the weekend.  She's so sweet...

Like a child hiding under the bed... I sit quietly until the scary subject just goes away.

Seester Talk

*** WARNING: The following content is rated R and completely vulgar... Because that is how my Sister and I communicate with each other.***

My little Sister came to visit over the weekend for a little dose of "So This is What Life is Really Like When You Have Kids". 

After I walk into the room where the Chitlin and her are watching tv...

Me - How cute... You guys are watching Olivia.

Seester - Oh, it's called Olivia? ... I thought she (as in the Chitlin) was saying LABIA... Olivia is much better.

Driving alone together to the store...

Seester - So after you have a baby... Does everything go back to normal down there?

Me - I don't know... I'm too scared to look.. Probably looks like bad pastrami.

Seester - (pause)  Great... Now I don't want to eat that pastrami rueben I left in your fridge.

After watching the Chitlin so the Mr. and I could go on a date night...

Seester - She was jumping up and down and then puked all over me.

Me - That's nothing. There are times when I've been puked, pissed, and shit on all in the same day.

Seester - You REALLY make me not want to have kids.

Just doing my job bringing reality to the glamorous, cuddle bunny life of "having babies".

Weekend Wishlist

"No New Things February" has begun.  Good thing pay day for me was Jan. 31st this week...  meaning I loaded up on all sorts of crap before the 1st.  One of my recent obsessions... Camouflage

Camo sweater and black skinny jeans are from Forever 21.
Camo hoodie and ankle boots are from one of my fave places... Target.