Wednesday, June 29, 2011

They Don't Call Me "Eavesdropping Cubicle Monkey" for Nothing

I live in a cubicle world and I am a cubicle girl.  My cubicle is pretty special for two reasons. 

1. It isn't your regular cubicle with walls you can easily pop up and look over.  These walls are high.  They are so high that I must stand on my tip toes in order to see anything.  By anything, I mean more rows of cubicles.

2. I have a prime location.  Corner cubicle right next to the bathroom and printer.  There's a name for this and it's called Perfection.

These high walls and prime location also allow me to eaves drop on some pretty juicy convos....Here are some examples:

"We'll work on it a little bit."

"We need to train her."

"If you're slammed, we'll do a team assist."

Umm, yea. That's right, you read correctly.  I sit quietly in my cubicle while being surrounded by dedicated sex addicts open to team orgy's.  Someone please send help...I am the Eavesdropping Cubicle Monkey.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

They Don't Call Me "Selectively Anal" for Nothing

The Mr. calls me lazy.  I'm not.  I'm selectively anal.  I'm selectively anal compared to him being overly anal about cleaning.  If being picky is a crime...arrest me Sir.

Exhibit A - The Boudoir.

Yes, there are clothes on the floor, but note how perfectly the bed is made.  The decorative pillows are completely in line and centered as they lay on the bed.  The crisp fold below the pillows add a detailed touch that show someone took time and care in this display.... and that someone was me.  Dun, dun, dunnnnn

Exhibit B - The Kitchen Counters.

There is clutter on the closest counter, but notice the cleanliness of the one behind it.  It has been wiped clean, everything put in their place, and the dishes are washed and put away.  There is also a blue, green, and yellow folded dishtowel displayed on the sink, adding a splash of color and joy to the area. Someone definitely took her time here.

The Verdict.
In Conclusion...The Mr. is out of order and should choose his words more wisely.  As for me, the only thing I am guilty of is being Selectively Anal.

Monday, June 27, 2011

The Don't Call Me "Drunk Sleepwalker" for Nothing

Last month I went out with Bestie Kate for a mini was my Birthday after all.  It had been awhile since I'd gone out and gotten jiggy so Mommy had a few to drink...maybe too many.  We had drinks with dinner and I had drinks at the next place.  We had fun, were exhausted, and made it home before the clock struck midnight.  I crawled in bed with the Mr. and our Chitlin and fell sound why did I wake up all alone in here?.... 

Twas a Case of the Drunken Sleepwalker...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

They Don't Call Me "Ma'am" for Nothing

The other day I was at the store and the kid collecting the carts called me Ma'am.  It was the first time anyone has ever called me that.  It sparked something deep inside me. Not a fuse or match, but more of an "aha" that sparked more and more "aha's" until it all made sense. It all came together like connect the dots............This "Blank" is Old.

Aha #1 - Not Needing an ID When Purchasing my Bottles of Vino

Nice Checker Bestie - "Do you have your ID?"

Me - (as i rummage through my wallet then purse) "Oh boy, I can't find it."

Nice Checker Bestie - "It's ok. I believe you."

You do? What gave it away?  Was it my multiple rewards cards that I flashed?  Babies R Us, Ralphs, CVS, Best Buy......? Was is the exhaustion in my face and the careless look of no makeup, unbrushed hair, and "I just don't care today" outfit?  OR was it that..."This trick is obviously over 21...25...30?"!!!!

Aha #2 - Not Understanding Today's Hip with it Lingo

I suddenly found myself utilizing the UrbanDictionary more often.  I mean, I know basics such as LOL and WTF....but there were other things I didn't quite understand. UD I went!  So take that ROTFL, SMH, and Ghost Ride the Whip! I now know what you turds mean! Ha!

Aha #3 - NKOTB vs. BSB

As some might know these two magnificent, once overwhelmingly popular, boy bands have been brought together in concert and are available for viewing once again.  Here is how one conversation went with my younger Co-Worker Bestie.

Me - "Wouldn't it be fun to see the New Kids in concert again?"

Co-Worker Bestie - "Um, I'm more of the Backstreet Boys era."

Me - "Haha...Oh ya"

Co-Worker Bestie - "But it would be fun to go and wear some of my old BSB tees!"

Me - "Ya!  I wish I still had some of my old buttons!"

Co- Worker Bestie - "Buttons? Like big ones with faces on them?"

Me - (head hung low) "Yea..."

All equals....Big Aha!
Yes, this trick is old.  Whatever.  Joey McIntyre, Sir.... You're my dream!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

They Don't Call Me "Better Clear it with the King First" for Nothing!

The other week I went and met my Bestie Kate half an hour away from home for an intimate Birthday dinner just the two of us.  She was finally joining the rest of us ladies and turning early 30's! Right as I was out the door the Mr. said, "Don't drink too have to drive home. You're a mom now."(Ummm like my stretchmarks and his nagging would ever let me forget.)  Me - "Of course!"   But as many nights go...a drink with appetizers, another with dinner, maybe one in between, leads to us ordering dessert and pondering, "Should I have another?"

Me - "I want another drink"

Bestie Kate - "But then we shouldn't drive"

Me - "You're right....hey, lets rent a room nearby and just keep drinking?!" "It'll be like we're in our 20's again!"

Bestie Kate - "That would be so much fun!"

Me - "Ok, let me clear it with the man"

Being the only Mommy out of my closest besties I figured one night off from interrupted baby crying sleep couldn't hurt right?  Wrong. The phone calls & text messages from me and her were only shut down...We even tried the, "But it's for our safety..." angle.  NO DICE. This Mommy must finish dessert, down some water, and have "whata bummer" conversation until it is deemed safe to drive.  Wah wahhh...

The next morning the Mr. turned to me and said, "You need to start treating me like the King".  All I could do was laugh...