Thursday, October 18, 2012

Evening Convos

An evening conversation between the Hubby and I....

The Mr. - How was your day honey?

Me - Good... Oh! I was talking to this guy at work (because he runs marathons) about how one of my toes turned purple from running.

The Mr. - Ok....

Me - He said that's never happened to him before. So I assured him that it's actually really common because my nail lady told me during my pedicure that sometimes girls come in with ALL purple toes!

The Mr. - (silence)

Me - AND THEN I told him how mine actually fell off during the weekend so I glued on a fake nail and painted it but just noticed it's gone...so I must have lost it somewhere in the office today. SO NOW I have to repaint my toenails in case someone finds it and matches it to the rest of my nails.... Sorry, I know you hate the smell of me painting my nails.

The Mr. - (pause) So... You were flirting with some dude at work.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Mondays

Conversation at work while waiting in line for a salad in the cafe....

Co-Worker: Hi! How was your weekend?

Me: (insert generic answer) Good... How was yours?

Co-Worker: (insert generic reply) Good... What did you do?

Me: (deciding to give a real answer) ...well Saturday the husband said my PMS was scaring the shit out of him... And that I should probably pop a Xanax... (slight pause) ...and then... lets see... Oh! Sunday, I baked cookies.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Say What?

Do you like to throw random movie quotes into normal work conversations? (SILENCE)  Me too!!!

Billy Madison

Co-Worker:  Do you go to the gym every day at lunch?

Me: I try to...

Co-Worker: So how is that? Do you just bring your own shampoo and conditioner every day?

Me: "Conditioner is better, it leaves the hair silky and smooth."

Co-Worker: What?

Me: (Pause) "Stop looking at me swan."

Superbad

Co-Worker: Is it ok if I stop by your desk in a few minutes?

Me: "Fo sho, Fo sho...... FO SHO"

Co-Worker: Alright...

Mean Girls

Me: Are you going downstairs for lunch?

Co-Worker: No, I need to do some work... gonna eat at my desk.

Me: "Booo... You whore."



Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Mommy's Night Out



Bestie Kate had a beautiful baby boy over two months ago and it was time to have her official first Mommy's night out!  We decided to go out for dinner and drinks.

As we stood in front of the mirror examining our Mommy bodies...

Bestie Kate - I'm still figuring out what pants fit me.

Me - According to the Mr., mine are all really tight. 

Bestie Kate - (thinking out loud) *sigh* ... at least my bellybutton is starting to look back to normal.

Me - (lifting my shirt to give mine a gander...) Mine looks like an old man's butt hole.


A few drinks later in a really loud crowded bar...

Bestie Kate - WE SHOULD GO TO VEGAS ONE LAST TIME FOR A BIG GIRLS NIGHT OUT!

Me - A SEXY MAMAS NIGHT OUT!!!

Both - YA!!! WOO HOO!!!


A shot later after that...

Bestie Kate - I think I need to go home now...

Me - Agreed... (looking at my watch..) Ohhh yeeaaaa... it's almost midnight.



Monday, October 1, 2012

Eager Beaver



My Teammate Buddy at work is new and young.  He gets really excited about things and one day I called him an "Eager Beaver".

Teammate Buddy - Who says that? What does that even mean?

Me - It's a saying.

Teammate Buddy - I've never heard anyone say that before.

Me - (Crap. Is this one of those sayings I think lots of people say when it's only me?) ...Lots of people say it... I'll google it.

This is the first thing that came up:



Teammate Buddy - So you're basically calling me a whore.

.........I'm expecting a phone call from Human Resources any day now.