Being a Parent

I usually keep my posts light and short... But lately I've been feeling the need to vent on this thing called "Being a Parent".

I have a special person to call me his Wife, one immensely loved Little that calls me Mama, and other people that call me their friend, co-worker, etc. It's being called "Mama" that has proved to be the hardest name to live up to...

My challenges always boil down to change within myself.

I had the Chitlin right after I turned 30... and now she is about to turn 3. When she was first born...amongst the hard nights of no sleep, not knowing what to do, feeling worried that this thing called "motherly instinct" would never come, wondering if my body would ever feel the same - all this muffled by my pure joy of love at first sight... Amongst all this, my hardest adjustment was this feeling of loss of freedom... Before this I never even knew the feeling of not being able to do whatever I wanted. It was the loss of selfishness... Because for once in my life it wasn't all about what I wanted anymore... And in a way it was saying goodbye to the person I was and saying hello to the Mama I was about to shape up to be... And failure became my greatest fear because I realized what my biggest challenge in life would be.

Being the person/example I want her to grow up to become.

I've been needing to change a lot I feel... It's all the things I've always wanted to change in myself but never had the courage to do.

It's becoming more assertive when I'm more comfortable being passive... Because I want her to grow up with confidence and be able to achieve what she wants in life.

It's me being more social when my natural shyness just makes me want to sit quietly by myself.. Because I don't want her to be overlooked or feel awkward around others..

It means me controlling my temper and not yelling in front of her.... because I wouldn't want her acting/talking to me (or anyone) like that.

It's me reversing what took over 30 years for me to become and being someone better.

People always talk about providing the best tools in life for their children... the most important foundation starts at home.