They Don't Call Them "Evil" for Nothing

Kids' toys today are freaking evil.  Remember when toys consisted of wooden blocks, legos, and cabbage patch dolls?  Now things are singing, talking, and dancing... all by themselves!  Pure. Evil.

Why? 3 words: Torture. Mean. Creepy.

• Torture:  I get all the "noise" it makes is "educational"... but the fact that the Chitlin just likes to press buttons makes it repetitive... and annoying... and torture. (This is when Mommy reaches for the wine)
• Mean: the Chitlin used to have a jumparoo she would like to sit and jump up and down in. It would make music every time she jumped. She loved it. Then one day Mommy walked by and it made music... without the Chitlin in it... therefore calling her fat in its own way... MEAN
• Creepy:  Next time you're asleep and woken up in the middle of the night by a childlike voice singing, "Patty cake, patty cake, bakers man... PEEK A BOO - I SEE YOU", let me know if there's a different word that comes to mind besides creepy.... or scared. shitless.

Torture + Mean + Creepy = Evil