Brrrrr

It's getting cold in Southern California... and we really need our heater... but it's still broken. So cuddling at night has become more a necessity than something the Mr. groans about.  There will be no "It's hot and your breathing on me is making me sweat" tonight!  Nope... right now it's cold and I get to sleep in our bed cuddling with my two love bugs... my two snoring, fart in their sleep, love bugs. :)

Cold weather = playing outside in our sweaters...

 

Family Pics Take 2

We retook our family pics a couple weekends ago.  After our last experience I decided to take the tripod and venture out further than our backyard.  Taking family pics can be a freaking nightmare... mostly because the only person that really wants them is Mommy and everyone else is being dragged along.  BUT! We do what we have to do in order to get a pic worthy of the Christmas card.  It took us a few tries but we finally got one...  Say CHEESE and try to mean it!

 

 

and the winner is....

 

 

Happy Holidays!

 

 

 



Sunday Afternoon

The Mr. is proud of the fact that he is really good at fixing things around the house without any help at all (SEXY).  So you can imagine his frustration when he couldn't get the old floor furnace to work (grumplestilskins).

The Mr. is crouched on the floor checking this thing out...

The Mr. - This pilot light just won't stay lit!

Me - (Calling out from the kitchen)  Sounds like it might be the thermocouple.

The Mr. - Ya... That's what I was thinking...

Me - Did you try tightening it?

The Mr. - I can't reach it... it's really far down there.

Me - Hmmm... maybe we should try troubleshooting to determine the source of the problem and identify a potential resolution.

The Mr. - (Pause)  Are you just googling all of this?

Me - No. I know stuff about floor furnaces.

The Mr. - (Silence)

Me - Ok.. I googled it.

I looked over and saw him smile and chuckle as he got up and walked away... Ya... I think it's the thermocouple.. ;)

Turn Around

This is what happens when I turn my back for one second... Odwalla smoothie all over the wall, the couch, ...and of course, this little face.

Mirror, Mirror

I was in the kitchen when I looked up and saw the Mr. in the living room... a look of concern on his face as he stared at the Chitlin who was around the corner and out of my view.  He motioned for me to take a look... but to be very, very quiet... I felt like I was hunting for deer and trying to skillfully sneak up to it... ninja-like in my every step. I heard her laughing and peeked around the corner... but she saw me and quickly walked away with toys in hand.

I turned back to the Mr., whose mouth was still open and eyes slightly bulging out of his head...

Me - What?

the Mr. - She was talking to herself in the mirror right there...

Me - So? Kids do it all the time.

the Mr. - She was really creeping me out... I am really creeped out.

Me - *sigh* (As I walked back to the kitchen...)  We should probably try harder to make her a sibling so she has someone to play with.

Then his face looked even more like this...

Washing Machine

This is what I learned the other day.  DO NOT PUT STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE WASHER. Here is why and what went down:

One night the Chitlin had a really bad cough and the poor thing coughed so hard that she threw up all over her bed and stuffed animals.  So... I put them in the washer.

This was wrong because:

One stuffed animal ripped open and clogged the washer so it couldn't drain.
Then the washer got unclogged and the main line to the house got clogged.
So when I was rinsing off the dishes in the sink  - it wouldn't drain.
Instead it started to flood when I turned on the disposal...
Which in turn made me really scared to go to the bathroom and flush the toilet.

And all of this equaled:

ONE PISSED OFF HUSBAND... and the loss of our panda pilllow pet friend.

Santa

The Chitlin and I went to visit Santa last weekend.  It was her third time seeing him and she was super excited... ok, not really.. because visiting Santa when you are only 2 1/2 years old is really for parents, grandparents, and photo albums.  She hasn't really grasped the idea of Santa and Christmas yet... BUT! She is more aware of the fact that I am making her stand in line to sit on some big dudes lap and say "cheeeeesssse". 

 

 

 

 

 

Family Pic

In order to save money on family pictures this year, I decided to take them myself.  I bought a tripod, dressed up the fam, and set up in the backyard.  I thought I got a good shot but the Mr. thinks he looks like he's giving the camera the crazy eye... Guess we will be taking pics again this weekend.

Crafty

One day the Mr. was looking at some Christmas decorations in a catalog...

The Mr. - I like these ornaments in here...

Me - (looking it over) $5 for one ornament?!  I'll just make that....

So then this happened..

The Mr. - Babe.. I like how you're spending your time being crafty but... do you think we could get our kitchen counter back any time soon?

Me - Probably not... look how cute these owl friends are?!

And...

Drinking Wine + Making Crafts = Best Thing Ever!!!

Sunsets

Ahhh November sunsets on the beach in Southern California... No complaints here.

New App

The Mr. and I are laying in bed... Him watching TV and Me laughing hysterically at my phone.

The Mr. - What are you laughing at?

Me - This new photo app I downloaded... Look!

And then the Mr. started laughing.

It's one of those apps where you stick your head on someone else's body or put your face on a billboard and such. I was so amused that I just about pissed myself... Or at least peed a little enough amount that I pretended it didn't happen. Either way, I was very happy with my new free purchase. So happy, in fact, that I think I should take all of my picture creations and make a collage... And then turn the collage into cards for my family and friends... And the cards could proudly display all of the "events" and "accomplishments" that happened throughout the year... And these "events" and "accomplishments" can make them all jelly/worry/laugh/scared for my mental stability. It could display things like:

This year we...

Got Married!

The Mr. Got a New Tattoo!

The Chitlin Turned into a Blood Sucking Vampire

 

(Laughter followed by a huge sigh) ...And these are the reasons why I need to get out more.

Mustache?

One Friday evening the Mr.and I were chatting...

Me - Do we have plans tomorrow?  I need to get my eyebrows waxed.

The Mr. - And your mustache.

Me - I don't have a mustache.

The Mr. - Ya - you won't after you get it waxed.

Me - You're dumb.

Same Friday evening, a few glasses of wine later, at the house, while dancing/looking in the mirror ...

Me - (Pause) I DO have a mustache

Why Not?

I love you husband :)



Evening Convos

An evening conversation between the Hubby and I....

The Mr. - How was your day honey?

Me - Good... Oh! I was talking to this guy at work (because he runs marathons) about how one of my toes turned purple from running.

The Mr. - Ok....

Me - He said that's never happened to him before. So I assured him that it's actually really common because my nail lady told me during my pedicure that sometimes girls come in with ALL purple toes!

The Mr. - (silence)

Me - AND THEN I told him how mine actually fell off during the weekend so I glued on a fake nail and painted it but just noticed it's gone...so I must have lost it somewhere in the office today. SO NOW I have to repaint my toenails in case someone finds it and matches it to the rest of my nails.... Sorry, I know you hate the smell of me painting my nails.

The Mr. - (pause) So... You were flirting with some dude at work.

Mondays

Conversation at work while waiting in line for a salad in the cafe....

Co-Worker: Hi! How was your weekend?

Me: (insert generic answer) Good... How was yours?

Co-Worker: (insert generic reply) Good... What did you do?

Me: (deciding to give a real answer) ...well Saturday the husband said my PMS was scaring the shit out of him... And that I should probably pop a Xanax... (slight pause) ...and then... lets see... Oh! Sunday, I baked cookies.

Say What?

Do you like to throw random movie quotes into normal work conversations? (SILENCE)  Me too!!!

Billy Madison

Co-Worker:  Do you go to the gym every day at lunch?

Me: I try to...

Co-Worker: So how is that? Do you just bring your own shampoo and conditioner every day?

Me: "Conditioner is better, it leaves the hair silky and smooth."

Co-Worker: What?

Me: (Pause) "Stop looking at me swan."

Superbad

Co-Worker: Is it ok if I stop by your desk in a few minutes?

Me: "Fo sho, Fo sho...... FO SHO"

Co-Worker: Alright...

Mean Girls

Me: Are you going downstairs for lunch?

Co-Worker: No, I need to do some work... gonna eat at my desk.

Me: "Booo... You whore."

Mommy's Night Out

Bestie Kate had a beautiful baby boy over two months ago and it was time to have her official first Mommy's night out!  We decided to go out for dinner and drinks.

As we stood in front of the mirror examining our Mommy bodies...

Bestie Kate - I'm still figuring out what pants fit me.

Me - According to the Mr., mine are all really tight. 

Bestie Kate - (thinking out loud) *sigh* ... at least my bellybutton is starting to look back to normal.

Me - (lifting my shirt to give mine a gander...) Mine looks like an old man's butt hole.


A few drinks later in a really loud crowded bar...

Bestie Kate - WE SHOULD GO TO VEGAS ONE LAST TIME FOR A BIG GIRLS NIGHT OUT!

Me - A SEXY MAMAS NIGHT OUT!!!

Both - YA!!! WOO HOO!!!


A shot later after that...

Bestie Kate - I think I need to go home now...

Me - Agreed... (looking at my watch..) Ohhh yeeaaaa... it's almost midnight.

Eager Beaver

My Teammate Buddy at work is new and young.  He gets really excited about things and one day I called him an "Eager Beaver".

Teammate Buddy - Who says that? What does that even mean?

Me - It's a saying.

Teammate Buddy - I've never heard anyone say that before.

Me - (Crap. Is this one of those sayings I think lots of people say when it's only me?) ...Lots of people say it... I'll google it.

This is the first thing that came up:

Teammate Buddy - So you're basically calling me a whore.

.........I'm expecting a phone call from Human Resources any day now.

Margaritas

Skinnygirl Margaritas have become my new "After Work Glass of Wine". Except it's more like a couple glasses... because I've been super stressed... and these are super delicious.

 

 

Co-Worker Friendly - What did you do last night?

 

Me - I discovered Skinnygirl Margaritas and went shopping on Amazon.

 

Co-Worker Friendly - Fun!

 

Me - I bought a mirror, book of toddler activities, and a fake ass Kate Spade iPhone case. 

 

Co-Worker Friendly - That's amazing.

 

#margaritathoughtprocess

 

By the way... the toddler book was Mommy Bags doing.

 

 

 

 

 



Swimming

We took the Chitlin for her first Parent and Me Swim lesson last weekend.  She loved it!  She was laughing, giggling, splashing...  but class had to be cut short when another little Chitlin accidentally pooped in the pool.  Ummm... have I gone numb to all that is disgusting? ...because it totally didn't occur to me how unsanitary it is to be swimming in another kids' feces... I would have been fine marinating for another 10 minutes till class was over (with the Chitlin's head above water, of course) ...SILENCE... I guess someone's been pooped, peed, and barfed on a little too much where she's become unaffected. *ahem* 

 

 

 

Peace

Every summer the Mr. and I go to the Bay Area and watch the Giants play the Dodgers.  We've gone every year since we met, besides the summer the Chitlin was born... aka "The Summer We Were Fucking Walking Zombies". 

This year as we walked towards the stadium, holding hands, wearing opposing team colors...

Me - We are a walking sign of peace.

the Mr. - Because we like rival baseball teams.

Me - ...and because we are an interacial couple representing the melting pot called America.

the Mr. - (Silence as he led the way to the bar)

On a different note...

Every year we've gone my team always loses.  This year, we were so close!  But alas... it was almost.

Our reactions to almost...